it's april first (finally)........which means dave and i have been together for five years now. TRIP...PEE. it's too bad i'm too fucking crampy and tired and pregnant to do anything in the way of celebrating the event. instead, i went to the doctor this morning to have my crotch examined, which is loads of fun...especially at 9:15 in the morning. i'm 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. so let's get this show on the road already, eh kid?
the doctor i have with this baby sort of pisses me off. he didn't start really irritating me until the last few visits, and we're so close to the end now there's no point in changing anything, so i just have to endure until this kid finally decides to evacuate me. i had a LOT of pain yesterday, and a lot of contractions to go with it, but of course this dude's in way too much of a hurry to give a shit. he didn't even touch me until a couple of weeks ago, and even then it was just for long enough to stick his fingers up there and tell me the baby's head was down.........which i already knew, and he should have already known, since i had told him TWO WEEKS EARLIER THAT THE BABY HAD DROPPED. oh but he didn't believe me. said, "no he didn't, he just changed positions." yeah.....INTO THE FUCKING BIRTH CANAL. i'm sorry.......but i think i'm a bit more aware of this child's whereabouts than this guy. you know...since he's like, INSIDE ME and shit. but yeah. he's kind of a douchebag. so i wasn't really surprised today when i told him about all the pain yesterday and he didn't even look up from signing my stupid sheet to make an appointment for next week. just said, "well, if the contractions hurt, then they're productive contractions, and that's good." WELL NO FUCKING SHIT, EINSTEIN. SERIOUSLY??
oy.
nevermind that it wasn't really the contractions that hurt, but the cramping from little dude here being so low that he's blocking my fucking intestines. aka............I COULD NOT SHIT FOR THREE DAYS. and it's no secret to anyone who knows me that i have irritable bowel syndrome. so unfortunately poop is a big part of my life, and something to which i have to pay much attention, otherwise large amounts of pain and suffering occur. that's just the way it is. i tried all weekend to go to the bathroom, and it was very painfully clear that jonah's current position in utero is not exactly the most conducive to my body "clearing out," so to speak. normally under these kinds of circumstances (as in...when i'm not pregnant), i'd have taken a laxative. and while laxatives are safe during pregnancy (i've had to resort to it a couple of times earlier in this one), i was hesitant to bust out the pills simply because of how far along i am, and the intense cramping and stomach contractions that usually follow such action. so i figured i'd try to get things going with my diet, which has worked pretty well during this pregnancy. for the rest of the weekend i ate as many green leafy vegetables as i could stand, had a couple of bowls of bran cereal (which usually works wonders), etc. by yesterday morning it was apparent that the healthy approach was not going to do the job, so i headed to mcdon@ld's for the breakfast. this is usually a surefire way to clear everything out, but it does involve pain, which is why it's always a last resort. the pain afterwards was just like always, a little bit of a crampy feeling as all that grease and sausage works its magic on my bowels. i made my normal 27 trips to the bathroom all morning and still nothing but pee. starting to get worried. by about 11:30, i started getting REALLY bad cramps, which were only intensified by the baby's movements. EVERY time he moved, it felt like my entire intestinal tract was being pinched and twisted shut. while that was going on, the contractions started. so not only am i in an intense amount of pain, but my whole stomach is rock hard. the contractions stayed about twenty minutes apart for over four hours and never got any closer together. the baby would stop moving, naturally, during them, but afterwards he would go nuts, causing a ton of pain until he'd settle down again. this went on ALL...GODDAMN....DAY. it was fucking horrible. by the time i got home from work all i wanted was a fucking bullet between the eyes. during the evening i was finally able to go, a little bit at a time, since i didn't have to feel self-conscious about running to the bathroom what seemed like every ten minutes and then sitting there for a half hour or so each time. i must say over the course of the nite i got a significant portion of whatever was in there...out. at least it seemed like i did. the pain started letting up. and once that happened, so did the contractions. i went from four an hour to one an hour, then finally to nothing.
SO NO, THEY WERE NOT PRODUCTIVE CONTRACTIONS, ASSCLOWN.
i woke up early this morning to get ready for the appointment, still feeling crampy but not as bad as before. went to the doctor, tried to tell him what was up, whatever he didn't care. so i knew i'd be on my own with the same stuff today, and i was, just thankfully it wasn't as intense since i'd done as much as i could the previous nite. sitting here now at 8 in the evening, i feel much better, and i wonder how much fucking more there could possibly fucking be in me, for chrissakes... i've only had a handful of contractions all day, which also were not "productive" because they were not accompanied by pain. any pain i've had today has been affiliated with a need for the toilet. and that's fucking depressing, but at least i know what's going on with my own body, and i'm done with work so i can take care of it when i feel like i need to, rather than wondering if i'm going to get in trouble if i go to the bathroom again or if i'm in there for what someone else deems as "too long."
but anyway....yeah, a lot about shitting. or my multiple attempts at shitting. i don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. this is what i deal with every single day. it may not be the most pleasant thing to write about, but it's what's going on with me now and i felt like i needed to vent. so fuck you.
and you.
and you, too.
sooooooooo........being 2 cm dilated does make me feel a little better. i was kind of afraid that i'd be feeling all this and then go to the doctor only to find that everything's still closed up tight in there, which would then cause me to demolish the entire joint with hulk-like rage. i'm hoping this means things are going to start progressing soon, and not that i'm just going to have to sit here for another week at 2 cm and 50%. with julian, i was only 1/2 cm dilated the day before i had him. and yadda yadda i know every pregnancy is different, but i'd reeeeeeally like to get this over with.......preferably by the end of the week. hahaha. we've all put in our predictions as to when he's going to show up, and my day is tomorrow. doesn't look like that's gonna happen, but i can dream, right? dave's is friday, the 4th, which seems more realistic. even the douchebag doctor didn't seem to think i'd make it to my next appointment. thankfully everything is basically done and ready for the little guy. i still have to pack a bag for me and the baby, and another for julian. i'm planning on doing mine and jonah's tonite, and i'll probably work on julian's tomorrow, since i want to use the same trick i employed during our flight to california last summer.........go to the dollar tree and fill up a bag with cheap little silly toys he's never seen before to occupy him while the whole thing's going on. it worked wonders...every time i pulled something else out of the bag it was surprise, so he was interested in whatever it was for way longer. he's still carrying around a few of the lizards i got him for that trip...
but anyway......jeez, how much am i going to type?
i need to end this anyway, julian's been asleep for over an hour now and if he doesn't get up soon he'll be up all nite. besides that, we've both only had one meal today and i'm sure he's just as hungry as i am. it's weird being here to make meals for him now...usually dave does breakfast cos i'm at work, and he eats constantly at his grandpa's so he's hardly ever hungry by the time i bring him home. i've always liked being able to make meals for him, it just sucks that i'm so out of practice now. makes me feel like super-inadequate mom.
but yes....must.......stop.......typing............
and must..........have............baby.............................
