just spent hours immersed in a previous world. i used to be a part of that world, and god...i'm really fucking glad that i no longer reside there.
it's just...god......i can't even explain it...i'm just glad that it's over...
that things can be normal and okay and all of that bullshit doesn't have to exist...
...do you still read this?
i'll bet you do.
anyway... today was silly... the VAX went down for the entire second half of the day, so we couldn't check anything that may or may not have been a problem.... adding to the ever growing stack that we'll just have to sift thru on monday... but you know what... he'll be home in a few hours so i don't fucking care.
i couldn't be happier that it's weekend, finally. i feel like i live by myself half the time. but the last few nites i've woken up when he came to bed, it makes me feel a lot better to wake up and go back to sleep with his arms around me. last nite he told me he fixed the curtains...heheh. and the cats knocked mr. snail off of the top of the refrigerator......it made me so sad...
i don't know what to say. there's a lot i could say...i dunno, i guess i'm just sort of self-conscious lately. i have a lot of thoughts and ideas and a lot of words buzzing around my head but i don't know that you'll really give a hint of a damn..
but you know what? i don't fucking need you.
because this is perfect, and everything i never thought i could have. and i'm sorry you'll never feel that, because i always thought you deserved more than the bullshit and drama you chain yourself to just to keep yourself believing that you are so much more important.
it makes you feel better to do that, right? makes you feel not quite so pathetic?
i've learned that happiness does exist. that love does exist. that perfection and beauty are not things to be hated and despised...in fact, the only reason i ever despised them was because i'd never truly felt them. but they're still there....just hiding beneath the clouds of indifference i stuck myself behind for so long.
he played me this song tonite...
I've nothing much to offer
There's nothing much to take
I'm an absolute beginner
And I'm absolutely sane
As long as we're together
The rest can go to hell
I absolutely love you
But we're absolute beginners
With eyes completely open
But nervous all the same
If our love song
Could fly over mountains
Could laugh at the ocean
Just like the films
There's no reason
To feel all the hard times
To lay down the hard lines
It's absolutely true
Nothing much could happen
Nothing we can't shake
Oh we're absolute beginners
With nothing much at stake
As long as you're still smiling
There's nothing more I need
I absolutely love you
But we're absolute beginners
But if my love is your love
We're certain to succeed
If our love song
Could fly over mountains
Sail over heartaches
Just like the films
There's no reason
To feel all the hard times
To lay down the hard lines
It's absolutely true
---
"it's absolutely true"
