every time i go to update this site, the servers are too busy. so i'm sorry i haven't been around. it's not like there's much to report.
i feel especially 'blah' this year. i wouldn't call it the typical holiday depression or anything, but it is a lot harder to make me smile. it's just that everything's so stressful...and i don't feel like i'm going to get everything done that i wanted to...and i only have two things for dave and i have very little time to go shopping again...and i have to wrap things tonite for the band...just so much stuff and so many things going on and i don't deal with it very well for some reason. i'd rather just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. which is very dangerous and reminds me way too much of summers past. i'm hard to deal with. i don't make as much of an effort to touch him.
i'm just........blah.
in other news i went to the laura's last nite for the seedsofevil christmas party extravaganza. weeeeeeee christmas blahs and a party......i'm a ray of fucking sunshine.
aaaaaaaanyway....
first... before the party... dave and i went to wally world to get more and more gifts for people we're related to. and for laura...dude you're gonna love what i got you. anyway again...
dave went to get a cart whilst i was holding onto a lovely sweater for my father (hahahaha) and who walks by but matt... ex-boyfriend... New Guy... who is now married to a girl named beulah.
*high pitched voice* what what what?
so i said hey and we stood there and talked for like...a half hour. and it was really nice. i missed matt. hadn't talked to him since his birthday in april. hadn't seen him since we broke up. so while it's strange that he's married now, it's all cool, and i'm very glad that he's happy (which he honestly seems to be) and that he's still down with hanging out with me and/or the band and/or ernie. 'the beechwood group' he called it. so that was cool.
during the talk with matt a bunch of the seedsofevil peoples came walking up with a cart full of beer. imagine that. it's so weird to be standing in the middle of a wal-mart the weekend before christmas.
for one, everyone is really pissed off that you're just standing there, regardless of whether or not you're actually in their way. the fact that you're just standing there and not moving along and quickly purchasing your items annoys the crap out of most middle-aged passersby. which in turn delights me.
delights, i say!
for another, i end up seeing so many people i either know or used to know or haven't seen in ages or wish i hadn't seen in ages or wish i'd never seen at all etc etc etc... it's frightening. it's like everyone in this godforsaken town does their entire holiday shopping in three places. wal-mart getting most of the load.
why am i talking about this...
anyway yeah after the wal-mart fun and joy i came home got ready and went to party hardy with the indy metal gods from seedsofevil. wait did i say gods......i meant children. hahaha. children who like to compare hairy asses and show their balls on camera. alcohol and hairy asses and nosebleeds all make for one rockin time.
it was the fun. i am a droll, un-fun little housewife, but it was fun.
and now i am the hungry. and dave is leaving for his dad's place. which means i will be aloooooone. which is something i am used to. ohhhhhh listen to me bitch.
happy holidays
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"if i was not so weak / if i was not so cold / if i was not so scared of being broken, growing old / i would be..."
