so the show's tonite and i am morbidly frightened.
moreso for this show than for any other one i suppose....simply because i'm the one putting it on (with a lot of help from the grahamula). i already know and accept that there probably won't be very many people there....that's fine i guess. i really do just want to play and get to hang out with some other bands. but the little things --- the p.a. guy and the fear of the venue getting pulled out from under us at the last minute --- among other things --- that is what's bothering me the most. and i mean reeeeeally bothering me. to the point that i'm awake right now instead of blissfully sleeping the morning away.
so let's see...
i must get ready for the show...as in get dressed, make myself presentable, etc. obviously haven't started that one, since i'm sitting here with nothing on but a tank top and my underwear. but it's still early...that can be fixed relatively easily, heheh. i had planned on going to charlie's yesterday and picking up my bass so's i could restring it. i don't think i'm gonna restring it today. maybe just for practice monday. so let's just hope the fucker stays in tune tonite. yeah. um... need to remember the jar with the song titles in it (we're not going with a setlist tonite....just gonna pull songs outta the jar ala beechwood abode practices, ha!), extra picks, another jar to keep money in, need to persuade one of my friends (ahem...laura or graham) to stay near the door WITH said jar and ask for donations (no set cover tonite, guys...so show up!!!), need to make sure my mum knows how to get there, that dave remembers to charge batteries, that i remember to bring extra batteries, that darrik knows what time to be there..........bla bla bla. remind me never to do this again...
the other nite (flyering nite weeeee) graham was supposed to help me hang flyers. well, he had said he'd help me hang flyers. so i picked him up and we met his friend dawn (aka kitten) at the stupid, stupid "cup". i hate this place. i always have. even when we played our second show there, i hated that place. of course i sucked it up when we did the show and acted like i liked it just for the slim possibility of them booking us again.......but we haven't exactly pushed them a whole lot to book us again in the couple of years following that show so i guess it was pointless...since we really didn't want to play there again anyway. (why am i rambling about that? bear with me)
so anyway.....yeah. at "the cup" with graham, dawn, and some other girl graham knows who was quite unpleasant. graham handed her a flyer and she might as well have vomited all over it, thrown it on the ground, stomped on it, then pulled down her pants and taken a hot shit all over it by the look on her face once it was in her hands. and the looks she kept giving me. weeeeeeeee love snotty cup people.
there was a show going on inside "THE CUP" that nite which was involving doog (the singer for cle@rance, the band that played with us at the speazy a couple of weeks a-goe) and i think....everything, n0w! was playing after him. there's this huge buzz going on in tms forums about this band. personally, i've never heard them, but by the "looks" of the people in their crowd and what i've heard about their sound, they might be a post-punk-emo-kinda-thing....but i'm not sure. either way.....me sitting there in all black with black hair and black makeup on made me stick out like a sore fucking thumb. and that girl graham had given the flyer to kept shooting me these awful you're-not-even-worth-me-pretending-to-be-pleasant glares, especially after i pointed out that i had the same bootlaces as her (dark blue with red stars ahhhhhhh) whilst trying to make conversation with her.
i should seriously go back to being COMPLETELY antisocial sometimes. that former me that just sat in the back at places like that and didn't say a fucking word.......i miss her sometimes.
anyway...
graham was being absolutely no help in the flyering business, considering he had somehow tricked me into sitting down inside "the cup", which was now so completely filled with people that one could not have gotten up and walked around without disturbing some self-righteous pretentious college goo-ball in the process. i had to get out of there. not only because i was supposed to be picking dave up for lunch but also because the pretention in the room was literally....suffocating. doog was crooning on to the backdrop of a tape recorder and some strange ambient techno-y stuff. people were snapping their fingers. i was leaving. and how... graham had nasty unpleasant girl push her chair all the way in (suck it up, kiddo) so we could get around and thus.....out, the friggin, door. he apologized profusely even though i knew he was going to be no help whatsoever that nite so i handed him a small stack of flyers, instructed him to pass them out to whoever, and said i'd be back later.
when i did call him later, he wasn't answering his cell.
boo fucking hoo.
instead, my lovely wonderful best friend --- the laura --- went out a-flyerin with me. and it was cold. and our fingers went numb. and i had felt sick all day. but that's what we did and now there had better be at least three people who show up because of those damned flyers. i'm not asking for much. just a few, dammit!!
so i'm insanely nervous about this and yet.......happy that we're doing it. cos i wanna meet some other genre-bending bands. hahaha genre-bending. this will be fun whether anyone shows up or not. and we'll probably make next to no money whatsoever. the whole thing's pretty haphazard.
but that's the way it goes sometimes, eh?
---
"immobilized by my fear / and soon to be blinded by tears / i know i can stop the pain if i will it all away..."
