man, what a fuckin day. there's still so much to do, but i don't have the energy to do any of it. i guess maybe i do, but i am damned lazy. DAMNED lazy.
first i had to work six hours today, and that was a super giant pain in my ass. i had originally intended to show up at 6 am, but once the alarm went off at 5 it became glaringly obvious that that just was not going to happen. i managed to leave the house by 6:30, but took a detour to the mcd's to get a sausage egg mcmuffin and some orange juice...which has given me hellafied heartburn during this pregnancy...and yet i cannot stop drinking it.
anyway.
we were the only department in the lab that was working, so the building was all empty and creepy. it seemed like a gigantic waste of time to be there, which i think my supervisor discovered once he actually showed up.....don't think that'll be happening again anytime soon. around 7 am i was getting the crap kicked out of me from the inside, so i said, "oh, the baby's awake."
kim was like, "isn't it a little early for him to be up? he's not usually up this early, is he?"
"no, the one IN me is awake, not the other one."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHH."
so that was funny.
#2's squirming away right now. it's still early, so it still feels sorta like muscle spasms at this point. i love feeling it...even though sometimes it startles me when everything's been quiet for a while and then suddenly i feel it turn all the way around. i LOVE feeling this kid move. it makes me feel indescribably happy, and very very alive. i'm alive. #2 is alive. we're both here and we're both well. it's an amazing thing.
i'm so fuckin ready to see this kid on thursday, it's not even funny anymore. i'm totally impatient. i want it to be thursday now. i've been wanting it to be thursday since like, november 1st. five more days. i'm so excited. i don't even care if it's a boy or a girl, i just want to know which it is...both of us are going insane about it. dave and i weren't nearly this uptight about knowing the gender with julian...in fact, we still weren't quite sure if we wanted to know by the time we had the first ultrasound, when i was about 5 months along. with this one, i found out about the pregnancy at about 5 weeks, and we've wanted to know ever since the second the pee-stick said "pregnant". it's been insane. julian can say both of the names we've picked almost perfectly, and that makes me incredibly happy.
julian......is also amazing. it's really struck me this past week how much his ability to communicate...with words...has developed. like...he can ask you questions, or follow directions. last week he was looking for his little toy guitar. i was parked on the can (as usual during this pregnancy so far). he came into the bathroom and said, "where geetar?" i answered, "i'm not sure, baby...i think it's in your room, on the toybox." he ran off to his room, was there a few minutes, then came back and said, "no geetar." "then try next to the couch in the living room." he ran off in the other direction and a couple of seconds later i heard the guitar in the living room. it wasn't until after this little exchange that i realized...i had just had an actual sort of conversation with him... where both of us talked... and responded to one another... and that he didn't just parrot what i said, but asked his own questions from his own thoughts. and that he understood a big sentence like "look in your room on top of the toybox." he's been getting really good at that lately. it used to be that if you wanted him to do something, like say....put his dirty diaper into the trash can...you had to actually walk him to the trash can, point at the trash can, and say, "put this in the trash can." now you can be all the way in the living room, hand him something, tell him to go throw it away, and not only does he know what to do, he also knows which trash can to put it in... he'll take a food wrapper (cereal bars, of course) into the kitchen trash and a diaper or a wet pullup into the diaper pail in his room. this all seems like tiny, insignificant stuff....until you're smacked in the face with the reality that just a few short months ago he couldn't follow directions like that at all.
last nite dave left to go back to work from his lunch break while julian was playing in the other room, so jx came into the living room and asked me "where daddy?" i told him he went back to work, and julian went to the window and said, "daddy gotta go back to work. he be back later." he sings songs and he rides on dave's back singing row row row your boat. he points to the ultrasound picture on the refrigerator and says that's his baby sister. he can tell the cats apart better than dave can sometimes, haha... he's getting better about petting the cats gently. he loves riding in his grandpa's truck because he gets to ride in the front seat. he sings this silly song his grandpa taught him that goes, "ring ring ring went the banjo!" and it's the funniest thing in the world. if i ever lay down on the couch in the evening while watching tv or something, he looks over and says, "mommy's tired..." he's just...........yeah. he's amazing. he's going to be a really good big brother. sometimes it makes me sad that he's not a baby anymore, but for the most part i just love watching him grow and learn and get better at things. of course sometimes he's kind of a jerk, and he throws fits and makes messes and acts like a crazy, over-caffeinated, manic-depressive midget.......but you know......he's two. it comes with the territory. the awesome things he does make all the not-so-awesome times much more tolerable.
so there's the julian entry. he needed one, it's been a while. my crazy little man. he's so damn cool.
just keep your fingers crossed on the whole potty training endeavor...
